IMAGINARY CONFIRMATION

The following is an interrigation of a potential candidate for one of the most important jobs in the universe.

Would you hire this person?

Questioner: You said in a speech that certain ethnic groups of a certain gender would make better decisions than their counterparts who are in the majority ethnic group and who are more often in high positions. Do you stand by that statement?

Candidate: Well, I didn't mean to imply that certain ethnic groups of a certain gender would make better decisions than their counterparts in the majority ethnic group and who are more often in high positions. What I meant was that hard decisions need to be made and that they should be made and made correctly.

Questioner: But what I am trying to get at is whether you really believed what you said in the heretofore mentioned speech.

Candidate: There are times when a speeches' main purpose is to inspire people who aspire to be a part of this profession without preventing them from knowing that hard decisions need to be made and that they should be made and made correctly.

Questioner: Does that mean that you did mean what you said in that speech or that you didn't mean what you said in that speech?

Candidate: Yes

Questioner: Thank you. I appreciate your professionalism and know that you have come a long way from humble beginnings. Can you tell us what you think about people being able to prevent those whose purpose it is to inflict bodily harm upon them from doing so with a powerful apperatus?

Candidate: That is bound to be a decision I will have to make someday, so it would be inappropriate for me to pass judgement on it in the context of this interrogatory.

Questioner: I see. Thank you for your integrity. Let's talk in the hypothetical. Suppose one of those afore mentioned perpertrators accosted your own personal abode or the relatives residing with you therein. Would you then feel justified in using said powerful apperatus to prevent such accostation?

Candidate: In the past people who have acheived prominence in this vocation have faced this very hypothetical and have indicated their opinions on same.

Questioner: I see. Well, how do you understand the issue?

Candidate: My understanding harkens back to the humility of my roots and my ancestrial heritage as it relates to the grandure of the position for which I am being considered.

Questioner: Can it be said, then, that you mean what you say, or that you say that which is bound to be interpreted as evasive and/or a necessary refusal to project a particular stance?

Candidate: Yes.

Questioner: Thank you Madame Candidate. Your forthrightness in asuaging the fears of those present in this interrogation is exceeded only by your ability to side-step the issues and bury your responses in verbage that contradicts the veracity of events both in your past and in your future.

Now I ask you: do you think that candidate would make a good employee in your business?

Then what makes you think she would make a good employee in this most important of positions in the universe?