Monday, January 11, 2010


UPPER MANAGEMENT PERSON AT TSA (UMPATSA): Hmmm. Let's see. What can we do to prevent another person with hot underwear from getting on a plane?

SUBORDINATE (SUB): Sir, we could keep everyone in his/her seat for the final hour of the flight!

UMPATSA: What a great idea! Of course! Let's do that.

SUB-SUBORDINATE (SS): Uh, Sir, excuse me, but how would that keep people with hot BVDs from getting on the plane?

UMPATSA: Look, SS, we're trying to deal with a public perception problem here. Try not to muddy the waters, if you don't mind.

SS: Yes, Sir. Sorry.

UMPASTA: Come on! Come on! We need some more ideas, here!

SUB: Here's one. Let's ban the use of laptops on flights entering the USA.

UMPATSA: You know, SUB, I just don't know how you're able to come up with so many great ideas so often. Yessss! Let's ban laptops on incoming flights.

SS: Pardon me, Sir, but what did laptops have to do with Mr. Hot Pantywaist being able to bring explosives on board Flight 251?

UMPATSA: SS, stop being so negative. We are charged with keeping Americans safe in the air. Banning laptops on inbound flights will do that...can't you see?

SS: If you say so, Sir.

SUB: Another thing we can do is shift the blame. After all, it was not us who allowed Mr. Abdulmutallab to board the plane. That was the Dutch in Amsterdam.

UMPATSA: Quite right. But we must still inconvenience as many people as we can in THIS country so that they will perceive that we are doing something about terro...excuse me, man-caused disaster.

SS: A thousand pardons, Sir, but since we know that man-caused disaster is not perpetrated by little kids and kindly grandmas, couldn't we focus our attention on people who look and behave like the man-caused disasterers of 9/11 or Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan at Ft. Hood?

UMPATSA: SS, I've had about enough from you. Pick up your things and get out. You're fired!



shoprat said...

How did you get a transcript of that discussion?

It's probably accurate.

Joe said...

shoprat: I used a bootleg copy of their new full body scanner.

Tom said...


Starting to sound like shutting the door after the horse & other assorted livestock have fled the outdoor domicile...

David Wyatt said...

Finally! The truth from a Government Agency!

Susannah said...

Joe, did they KNOW you were eavesdropping? You'd better watch out...they may come knocking on your door, demanding the transcript.