Monday, August 9, 2010

WHAT A RE VOLT ING DEVELOPMENT

I want an electric car.

After all, it's the green thing to do...right?

Let me describe the car I want.

I want an electric car that will go no more than 40 miles on a charge, after all, the average home-to-work commute is only 33 miles.

Since I don't drive too much at night, an overnight charge of between six and eight hours should be adequate.

My new electric car should be able to travel at between 80-100 miles per hour on its batteries, so that the 40 miles it will travel will take only a half hour or so.

A six hour charge for about a half-hour drive seems about right to me.

Stopping at traffic signals and stop signs should reduce my commute capabilities as I overcome inertia to get back up to speed after stopping.

The manufacturing of those batteries should include the plastic case, made of carbon-based oil products, as should the bulk of the inert innards. The poisonous contents should be manufactured in such a way as to not to interrupt the high employment rate we enjoy in this country.

Lots of its parts could easily be made overseas or in Mexico, thus giving Mexicans fewer reasons to cross our southern borders to take jobs we won't do.

As everyone knows, once the batteries of my electric car run down, I should be able to switch to gasoline power, in case my commute is farther than 40 miles or in case I have some errands to run on the way home.

If I have to take a trip, the first 40 miles should be smooth and silent as the electric motor drives me along I-75. Then the gasoline engine should kick in to take me the rest of the 300 miles or so I have to go.

The gasoline power should come from an engine that burns only premium gasoline, so when I fill up, it will cost me more than it did when I used to use the more efficient internal combustion engine in my Saturn SL2.

Oh, and speaking of efficiency, the gasoline engine of my electric car should not drive the car directly, it should route the electricity through the batteries, reducing efficiency even further.

My new car should not seat more than 4 people, so when I get hit by a Cadillac or SUV, or perhaps even a semi, not too many people get injured or killed.

The seats should be about as comfortable as the back seats of a 1960 Ford Falcon, and the batteries should run down the middle of the car to force riders' legs to be cramped into a permanent position.

The car should look something like a cockroach and should be available in Silver Ice Metalic.

Between $40,000.00 and $42,000.00 should be about the right price to pay...maybe the government will take some money from you to help me pay for my new electric car....let's say about $7,500.00 or so. Deal?

Now where on earth could I possible find a car that fits my requirements?

Oh, I know. I'll just hurry on down to my local Chevy dealer and, using my unemployment check, my social security income and my undervalued home as collateral, I'll just purchase the perfect car: THE CHEVY VOLT!!!

Read more about my new car here.


19 comments:

Quite Rightly said...

Joe - I want all that too, plus . . . .

- I want a car whose battery dies in the middle of the road if the 40 miles I'm driving happens to be the 40-mile entrance into New York City or Boston during rush hour at a time when there has been an accident down the road and I have to drive stop-and-go for 20 or 30 miles reaching a maximum speed of 10 miles an hour or less, with plenty of "idle" time.

- I also want to drive on highways which I share with people who have miscalculated their allowable driving distance and their car batteries have died in front of me.

Do you think that could be arranged?

Joe said...

QR: Sure...why not?

Leticia said...

I'll pass. lol!

Joe said...

Leticia: OK.

Lone Ranger said...

Don't forget that when you're charging this super-car, you are drawing power from a plant that is more often than not coal-powered.

We could cut out a lot of unnecessary waste and complicated technology by simply having coal-powered cars.

Joe said...

LR: You're on to something! As soon as you perfect it, let me know!

Joe said...

LR: Would that work like a Stanley Steamer (the car, not the carpet cleaning company)?

David Wyatt said...

Hey bro. Joe, if it's all the same to you, I think I'll just take that 1960 Falcon you spoke about instead!

Z said...

Fabulous post, Joe.......
and ya, I'll PASS, as Leticia said! :-)

Mark said...

Great minds think alike, Joe. I was just telling my wife last night that the electric car would probably more expensive than any car on the market.

ablur said...

Sadly, the electric car of 1919 was far superior to this. You see most people when looking for a car around 1900 didn't like all the noise and fumes that came with a gas powered car. Mufflers hadn't been invented and clean air regulators hadn't started tweeking the system.

I would prefer the Porsche or Tesla models like I showed on my blog. Visual candy is important you know. Some of them actually worked, unlike this.

Joe said...

DW: I actually had one. Wish I still did. I could work on it. Can't work on the Saturn without super expensive equipment.

Z: Thanks. Soon you won't be allowed to pass.

Mark: Costs at least 7 times what it is worth.

ablur: Yeah. They really don't make 'em like they used to.

lisa said...

Hmm there is money to be made in green off the backs of the consumer.
What will they call them when they start making big profits? "The Big Bad Green" companies?

Silverfiddle said...

You better have a lot of cash...

I don't think it occurs to libs that electric cars are actually coal powered. Think about it...

Until we get nuclear power going in a big way, we're not really "saving" the environment.

David Wyatt said...

Joe I know what you mean about being able to work on those oldies! I had a '65 Impala SS & under the hood was so clean & easy to get to! Good ol' 327 & 4-bbl! Man those were the days!

Joe said...

lisa: Sounds like a name they might choose.

silverfiddle: See LR's comment above. Coal powered cars! What a gas!

DW: Room to work. Easy to diagnose and work on. I used to do all of my own work, everything but transmission and drive train.

mrs. m. said...

Hmmm....where are the liberals comments on this post? Silent again. Big surprise.

Joe said...

mrs. m.: Actual truth drives liberals nuts. They don't know how to deal with it.

tapline said...

What about the Leaf from Nisson???I don't know aboout the recharging bit, but the rests sounds OK.....$40,000////I won
t live long enough to pay it off....