Friday, November 21, 2008


Governor Sarah Palin pardoned a turkey today.

What made the news?

The fact that other turkeys were being slaughtered behind her.

Newscasters all read the story from the same whatever news feed, as they lamented the plight of the poor birds behind her.

Well, I wonder where people think that Thanksgiving feast comes from?

That golden brown, crisp, flavorful thing in the middle of the table, the one with the two little stubs sticking up and the crooked little thingies on the side and the little heart shaped gizmo on the back end we used to call "the pope's nose" (the tail, for those of you who don't get it), was in days of yore a feathered frenzy of stupidity, gobbling away on some turkey farm.

Then, some weeks before it got to your table, it was unceremoniously dispatched, de-feathered, washed and frozen. After that it was shipped to your local grocer, where it sat until you had mercy on it and bought it for your Thanksgiving meal.

My sister, having learned how animals are "prepared" for consumption, became a vegetarian.

That's a good thing.

Left more meat for me.

Eat your celery-heart out, PETA! I'm having turkey for Thanksgiving and, as long as "they" kept the salmonella out, I don't much care where it came from or how it came to be in my local supermarket.

I can hardly wait to sink my teeth into that succulent bird.

I want one of those behind Sarah Palin.

Being a sort of gross type, my favorite parts are (in order): the tail, the heart, the liver and the know, the part with all the bones.

I have made myself hungry.

I'm going for a sandwich.

A turkey sandwich.

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