A PARABLE FOR OUR COUNTRY

Commissioner Grimm, commissioner of the NFL, decided to make some changes in the rule book. He decided to make them unilaterally, bypassing the usual procedures and the cumbersome meetings. He decided to make these rule changes on a day when no games were being played and before the following Sunday’s heavy schedule, during which he decreed they would be implemented.

The first rule he made was to alter the shape of the ball. He decided that the ball would be round like the balls in other games: basketball, volleyball; soccer; baseball; golf and the like.

Secondly, to ensure everybody’s safety, Grimm made contact with a player from the other team a fifteen yard penalty.

Then he announced that there would be no more tackling, again for the safety of everyone involved. 
Commissioner Grimm’s final decision was that there would be no more of those ugly chalk lines on the field. 

From now on there would be finely cultured Kentucky Blue Grass on the field. To protect the grass, football players would have to wear ballet like soft shoes during the game.

In the months that followed, the networks began to complain that viewership had fallen off. Ratings were slightly lower than those of the National Curling League.

Football players were not happy, either. They slipped and slid all over the grass in their girly shoes.

Quarterbacks hated the new ball. It was so hard to get a grip on it. They had to throw it like a basketball! If that weren’t enough, they kept getting tagged by the unrestricted defense.

Commissioner Grimm just couldn't understand why his marvelous plans were so hated.

It was getting grim...very grim