REASONS TO BE A DEMOCRAT

I have made a decision to change my Party affiliation to Democrat. I have done so because of the pressures placed on me by certain liberal thinkers.

My reasons for changing are listed below.

1.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because I can now marry whatever I want, another male, a tree or another animal.

2.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because oil companies make way too much profit. They make as much as 4% profit on every gallon of gasoline they produce. I also love the fact that the federal government can tax those same gallons of gas at a rate of 15%, and that's not considered too much.

3.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because I have come to understand that the federal government is much more fiscally responsible than I am, and will do a better job of spending money without waste than I can

4.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because I believe in freedom of speech as long as nobody is offended by it, especially those who agree with me philosophically. If I offend someone who is philosophically opposed to me, that's OK. As a Democrat I have special dispensation to offend Christians, but not members of other religions or non-religions, such as Islam, Epicureanism, atheism and so forth.

5.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because I have come to understand that the Second Amendment used the word "citizens" in a military sense. I realize that I am too irresponsible to own a gun and only the police and the federal government should own them. They have done such a wonderful job of preventing mass murders, regular murders, thefts and other mayhem, that I now feel safe in malls, schools and military bases.

6.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because of their commitment to "green" energy eons before it is fiscally or technologically viable. These are the same people who struggle with predicting the weather next week, but who know what will happen to the ice caps if we don't change our ways.

7.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because they understand that even though the DNA of a fetus is different from that of the mother-to-be-or-not-to-be carrying it is still a "part of her body with which she can do whatever she wishes.

8.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because they understand that "illegal" is an erroneous way to describe those who enter this country illegally and that those who do should be afforded free health care, education, Social Security benefits...the latter by reducing the amount received by those who paid into the system and redistributing it to the "illegals".

9.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because of their unique understanding that businesses should not make profits for themselves, but need to break even, giving the rest to the government for redistribution.

10.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because they have studiously determined that the Constitution is a flawed document that needs to be rewritten by judges and/or executive orders. They also have concluded that the voters are too dumb to know what laws are needed and who to send to Congress to write those laws.

11.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because they are willing to pay billions of dollars for oil to people who hate us. They comprehend that to drill for our own oil would upset the established ecological order.

12.  I have changed my Party affiliation to Democrat because they realize that using our own nation's natural resources would provide way too many jobs and would reduce citizens' dependency on the federal government for their existence.

Having now had the time to review the reasons listed above, and having decided to apply rational thought to my decision, I have decided to recind my decision and instead have decided to remain a staunch conservative, even in the face of ridicule and aspersions.

Besides, even as I wrote the reasons I felt the mental illness of liberalism coming on. I struggle enough with things not be add mental illness to the things I have to deal with.

So, here I am, like it or not, still a right-wing, thoughtful, intelligent, rational conservative, wondering how I could ever have been tempted to fall for the irrational thought sequences postulated above.

The preceding is an adaptation of an article by James W. Anderson.

Note: My original post contained the phrase: "...I have decided to resend my decision ..." which contained a misspelling. Out of fear of retribution by certain liberal spell-checkers, and with thanks to Glenn E. Chatfield, I have corrected the misspelling. I hope I have it write, know.